Weak Too

Well I've been in Bristol nigh on a fortnight and am slowly becoming a fan of the city's environs and the climbing. Which is a Godsend because the people are arseholes.

That, of course, was a joke. The people I have met so far have been friendly, welcoming and generous as I have, looking wide-eyed and lost, attempted to adjust to my new life.

Bristol's a really nice place. It's quite astonishing how different it looks from Sheffield and northern towns. The houses tend to be flat topped and pastel coloured, and the whole place seems to have a continental air of sun and spaciousness. However I'm sure the novelty, or summer, will soon wear off.

Anyway, I appreciate most of the people who read this are climbers, so I'll get down to the nitty gritty. Crags I have visited so far are:

Cheddar - Looks like a bigger version of Stoney, climbs like a much less polished Malham. Really rather good. Crushed a couple of routes of unknown name and grade. They felt about 7aish but I really wouldn't be surprised if they were 6bs (for more grading woes see Avon).

Oxwich Bay, dans la Gower - A friend had to go to get a caution from the Swansea Police for possession of a trifling amount of MDMA so we went to the Gower (quote of the week from plod: 'Although not many people actually die from taking ecstasy, we do hear of a lot of reports of people feeling a bit sick.'). If any of you have been to Ferocity Wall at Anstey's, it's like that but much less steep and a deeper shade of orange. In fact it's almost red.

Ring Road Boulder - Decent sandstone venue just outside the city. Some really good problems here. I'd put it on a par with Bell Hagg. Unfortunately ten minutes extra driving lands you in the flat lands of South Gloucestershire, rather than Stanage. Say La Vie.

Sea Walls, Avon Gorge - This place is well brown. Doesn't look much, but I'd say it's some of the best Limestone I've climbed on. Really 3D climbing that makes you think.

Tried a good looking highball which was abslolutely desperate. The first move alone took over half an hour to work out and I left convinced it was at least V7. However a peruse of the guidebook today revealed it to be an E2 6a. Oh. Dear.

Anyway I'm shit faced so am going to stop typing.

Here's a message from my sponsor:

If any of you monkeys want to cum to the city where the streets are paved with golden opportunities you're very welcome. Talking of welcome, and overdue, a beer from Tetler would be very welcome. And overdue.

Southern correspondent clocking out.